Episode 21. Steve is gonna hit her!

FUCK I LOVE STEVE. HE'S DRUNK AGAIN! THE BEST! THE REAL STEVE EMERGES! THE WILDMAN COMES OUT OF HIS CAVE!

Episode 18. Breast reduction.

The breast cancer/SAT episode. This is a very important episode.

Andrea is willing to sell her body for a SAT prep course and Brenda might have to get a mastectomy.

Cindy's bedside manner is among the worst I've ever seen. When Brenda is told she will need a biopsy, Cindy responds with "OH MY GOD!" I'd make my mom wait in the car if I had to deal with that shit.

Steve makes a move on Andrea in what was probably considered a really crazy move in the 90's. But with the benefit of hindsight, it makes total sense. Steve is a pure-bred pussy hound. He doesn't need to put time or energy into this sort of thing. He takes whatever falls into his lap. Andrea is laying in your bed memorizing SAT material? Why not? Go for it. 18-wheeler breaks down in front of your house and 200lb driver is willing to trade blowjob for use of your phone? Don't question it, man. Run with it.

Letter to the editor of the West Beverly Times

Dear Aundreahh -

You are so annoying. You make me feel insecure about my incredible intelligence, and even though you undress me with your gross cow eyes, I am offended more than into it. When I see you sitting across the class in your gross loser clothes I just want to throw something at you. Maybe like a pomegranate, but like a rotten one. Oh yeah. 

When I see the public transit bus, sometimes I wish it just wouldn't stop. Just once, maybe, you'd be away from me at school and maybe I could get back on my babe train express. You and your gross shoulder pads and pant suits make for excellent hottie repellent. The other day I had to drive through Van Nuys. Remember that time I came to your house? I was slumming. I admit ok, in a moment of weakness I almost slipped down for a gross apple off the ground. Sue me. 

Hopefully next time you see me you will be crying or just too embarassed to look my way. But I won't be awkward. My head will be up high. I'll be laughing and high fiving all my cool friends, maybe even slamming down a cold soda. You know why? Because you have been killing my vibe and I can't wait to get back to the real thing I need to be looking out for - THE BRAN-DAWG.

Peace out lame-o 

BRANDAWG aka BIG MINNESOTA

Episode 6. Dylan swims in it.

Dylan can't be stopped. Steve can't be stopped. They are both equally potent sexual juggernauts. The difference being: What Steve does is private. He goes long on incidental characters. He sleeps with extras. Really below the radar. Dylan, on the other hand, always has to be fucking the main characters. Does he need attention? Is it a status thing?

Here's why I'm a Steve man: The dude knows himself.

He's an unapologetic, loudmouth, casual racist, who revels in his rich kid status. These are not good qualities to have. However, to be at peace with yourself is the best quality a person can have. And that's Steve. He's living his dharma. He's comfortable in his own skin.

Nat teaches Brandon how to make a sandwich

No. Really, he does. 

In this episode, Brenda steals Brandon's car, it runs out of gas, it gets stolen for real ("probably by one of the basketball player who took my spot" - steve sanders) and then Brandon reality checks / Judges his retard sister. Brandon then realizes his true role in life, as a ballboy and tutor. He will take up this role as a college student as well. 

The early episodes really seem jumbled, and they need that oversexed teenage conflict to spice things up. So far, Brenda hasn't even met Dylan, and Kelly's insane sex addiction hasn't been played up. I feel like we are driving through the plains, sure it's beautiful for the first hour but then you realize you've been driving flats for 10 hours... and you're dying for a hill. Or some sort of illicit teacher-student affair.

"I'm not a cowboy, and you're not a gangbanger crackhead" - brandon walsh

"Don't mind those suckers, this is OUR school" - steve sanders 

Colonel Sanders

Steve's a racist who is jealous he can't play basketball and basically throws down some "the south will rise again" shit on Brandon. And he is using the Celtics as a hate platform, throwing out Bird and McHale as a "WE gotta stick together" thing. Patrick Kindlon still isn't wavering in his Steve Sanders love.

The only black people on Beverly Hills 90210 (not in the background) are basketball players. 

Kelly flirts with Brandon, David lives all over every other character (he really treads this middle ground between an older Macaulay Culkin and crappier Eddie Furlong), Andrea continues to diss / crush on Brandon.... pretty ho-hum. Show is finding it's groove, but it's kind of a boring groove.

Where's Scott Scanlon?

Episode 1. yet more thoughts.

Steve with the white shorts and blazer! This dude is a fucking monster! A pussy crushing monster! You can't stop him. I would never go anyplace with this dude because he'd pick up ALL the girls and would be having a sick orgy while I stood outside the alley holding my dick. I would, however, have this dude over to play video games or some shit. He's awesome.

Brandon ends up slow dancing with a 40 year old transsexual in a gazebo. I can tell she's going to be a reoccurring character because saxophone jazz played when she said "call me anytime" to Brandon.

Steve! Drunk Steve is fucking awesome. He looks like the biggest asshole on the planet went to the Jersey shore and got a caricature of himself done on the boardwalk and then animated it for use on television. It takes five dudes to restrain him from driving drunk! This dude is a party beast!

Episode 1. more thoughts.

There's a cameo from The Revolting Blob of Billy Madison fame in this episode. That's a plus.

Steve Sanders is easily the coolest dude at West Beverly and his bright red superhero jacket really illustrates that in this episode. He's cool and he knows it.

Brandon's interest in student journalism is established early. "I wanna write for the paper."

Andrea really sucks. She seems to hate men, but secretly wants that d because she sends Brandon through the ringer over some dumb shit but ends with a really sultry "good to meet you."

Some good jocks v. nerds drama here. David Silver and his boyfriend Scott are brutalized by dudes wearing varsity jackets. Very original conflict here.