Jackie on waking up in the morning...

When you wake up to a loud and annoying daughter, the first thing you need to do is rollover to that coke mirror. And when the aforementioned daughter wants to give you the third degree (ungrateful), you have one thing to say to quiet that devilspawn..

"I just need a jumpstart"

and when Cindy Walsh sees you taking a bump in the bathroom, don't give a fuck. She'd be tripping on you if you were eating a twizzler just the same. 

Jackie's Back in Town...

And finally we get a Kelly episode. Jackie debuts in a gold bikini... and then really stars in a nice leather mini, looking like she just got either A) grouped or B) stuck up in some gangbanger crackhead shit. Kelly's weird self image issues start to make sense as her relationship with her mother is pretty wacked out. 

File under "This will be weird later" - David Silver filming his future step sister walking through the halls all stalker like... "There's something about her hair that just makes me want to go up and sniff it!" 

Episode 6 Synopsis

That smug bastard, Steve gets an A on a history test and rubs it Brandon's face. Brenda rehashes her role in Heathers, waltzing around school with Kelly like they own the fucking place. Andrea finally makes the move on Brandon, asking him out on a study date and she promises him that he won't even have to look at her face. Brandon is intrigued by the proposition at fucking a woman that is older than his t.v. mom and he sits in class staring at her like she's the elephant man.

Some old dude keeps hitting on Brandon at the Peach Pit. It turns out that old gay guy is his history teacher and Steve has been using his tight seersucker shorts to distract the teach so that he can cheat on a remedial multiple choice test. Brandon gets jealous (of Steve's A's) and decides to cheat as well, but is caught in the reflection of Andreas stupid granny glasses.

Brenda becomes obsessed with becoming a slut and accidently puts blonde streaks in her hair, (which actually makes her look trashy), but she freaks out anyway and hides herself under a giant Blossom hat.

Brandon has a nice word with Peach Pit Nat and unwittingly encounters the creepy old teacher in the parking lot, who needs help with a flat tire (blowjob) and drops his cheat sheet. Brenda goes for a run (if you've seen how fat this bitch is, you'd know that they probably did it in one take) and Dylan oggles the fuck out of her on his sweet yamaha bike.

Lesson: Brandon finally learns how to get ahead in school, which is to go right up to the teacher and kiss his ass and if it's a gay guy, complement his suit.

Episode 3 Synopsis

Brenda gets really into the theater and she starts wearing a blazer that makes her look like an amateur magician. Kelly becomes the first albino to become the most popular girl at school. Brandon has to blow a dude to get a waiting job.

One of Brenda's friends with an enormous ass stuffed in a pair of jean shorts shoplifts some ugly old lady frock, followed by some ominous music. Mrs. Walsh hangs out with a maid who cant speak english (obviously) and it becomes very poignant, although i dont remember what they were saying at all. Mr Walsh comes home and they fuck. I think.

Brenda gets caught with her klepto friend and Mr. Walsh is very disappointed and decides to banish her to her bedroom closet where Brandon and her talk about how they both feel like migrant workers (the maid that works for them) .

Brandon says fuck everything and Dylan helps him get a job at the Peach Pit, where he is selling coke out of the back of anyway. The Walsh's sit at the dinner table like a bunch of assholes. End.