Episode 19. Matthew Perry loves fast cars.

Ok, Donna is going through some shit and I ask everyone for their understanding during this hard time.

She did really shitty on her SAT's. 300 math, 300 verbal. She's concerned she'll be a loser. Unable to find a job. Destitute. Living in a motel. Sucking cocks for grocery money.

Well, she's right. She will be a loser. She will suck cocks. Listen, I got a 1050 on my SAT's and I've barely crawled above true poverty. So the way I see it, a 600 lands you in the baboon cage at the local zoo.

Everyone be supportive.

Education, Sex and Otherwise

Steve Sanders on a baby: "What's IT doing here? We're supposed to be watching a Lakers game."

Beverly Hills 90210 is at some weird crossroads. They are teaching necessary life lessons but in a way that the average teen can relate. For example, teen pregnancy isn't a good scene, and they (read: parents, educators, people who hate fun) also used this as an idea to deter teen sex (aka if you're 16 and still a virgin you are outside the norm, dawg). 9-oh uses a different road to get to the same destination. Teen pregnancy / parenthood TOTALLY sucks. Why? It's annoying! Babies are loud, they get in the way, and you have to spend time with them. They are a responsibility, like a crummy job BUT YOU DON'T EVEN GET PAID. So totally use condoms or don't have sex or whatever. If you have a baby, it will hurt your chances to get a date, you won't be invited to parties, and your friends will think you suck. 

Jim Walsh on...

Dylan McKay.

"In my experience, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." 

(after being really disgusted by the fact that dylan's dad is a winner who made some money unapologetically in his day. SORRY JIM YOU LOSER)

Jim's daughter aka Brenda dresses like a 65 year old woman...

Now Dylan is crying in a post "D.V. lash out" rage... ew.

Episode 9. Where is your upper lip, Kelly?

Sometimes these "message" episodes further characters that no one cares about, like my girl Jackie and her coke problem. But more often than not they do nothing but bang us over the head with some agenda like "don't kill yourself" or "rape isn't the fault of the victim" both of which are nice messages, but I want to know why Donna wears gold shoulder pads. That's why I'm watching this show. That's the only message I want in my inbox.